It might just be the thing that will save your future marriage.

It’s time to introduce a third to your marriage — a lawyer. 

40 percent of married people are sorting through paperwork and furiously signing their signatures to end their vows of devotion. If you don’t want to be like them, it’s high time you and your partner considered a relatively short document of your finances and other worldly assets. 

It’s not a future any recently engaged couple wants to think about, but it might not be such a bad omen. 

Yes, a prenuptial agreement might be another article of proof of the love you and your partner share. Along with your vows and all, of course. 

Money or Love?

A prenup is not really regarded as a symbol of everlasting love, in real life or on the screen (see: Charlotte on Sex and the City debating whether or not to go through with her marriage when the prenuptial contract lands in her lap).

There’s a reason asking your partner to sign a prenup doesn’t usually elicit lovey-dovey feelings. The very existence of a prenup is a written explanation of what will happen to your individual and accumulated wealth should your marriage go south. 

Laurie Itkin, a divorce financial analyst in San Diego, California, credits the prenuptial agreement between her and her husband as a saving grace to their marriage. 

“Without [the prenup], I suspect we would be divorced by now,” Itkin says.    

While the sentiment might sound counterintuitive, a prenup really does take a burden off of you and your maybe one-day former spouse’s collective shoulders. 

“A prenup helps couples get on the same page about earning, spending, saving, and investing,” Itkin says. “It starts the marriage off with financial transparency and clear expectations about financial roles in the marriage.”

To quote Marilyn Monroe in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes:” “If a girl spends all her time worrying about the money she doesn’t have, how is she going to have any time for being in love?”

Financial conversations can get hot fast, and not in a good way. It’s a difficult topic that’s built on a foundation of disagreement. Prenups make sure there are clear financial guidelines from both inside and outside the confines of your marriage. 

“Imagine a marriage where fights over money are rare. That’s my marriage,” Itkin says. 

Avoid the Budget Blow Up 

Ashley Tolakson, a family law attorney and founder of Tolakson Law in Des Moines, Iowa, says she’s seen an increase in young couples seeking prenup consultations. 

“I would also say the younger generations are, at least in my experience, marrying a little bit later,” Tolakson says. “They’re doing a lot of the work. They’re having a lot of the hard conversations before they get married.”

Young people today seem to understand that marriage not only conjoins hearts and souls, but also bank accounts. 

“Even if you’re not going to get a prenup, I think it’s smart to do premarital counseling,” Tolakson says. “Like, let’s have some of the tough conversations now to see if we’re on the same page. Do we have the same goals?” 

Weatherproofing The Relationship

Claudia Johnson, a couples and sex therapist in Seattle, Washington, says that prenups are actually one of the most caring things a couple can do for one another.

“It’s not about planning for failure. It’s about eliminating doubt,” Johnson says. “Because drafting a prenup will probably spark discussions that many couples shy away from … Talking through these topics can actually improve your relationship by making assumptions explicit.”

A prenup can give your relationship and future marriage a more stable foundation — not free from earthquakes, but with a detailed plan for when they begin to tremble.

“Emotionally, a prenup can help you feel less afraid,” Johnson says. “We all come into relationships with subconscious fears about money: being taken advantage of, becoming too dependent, losing autonomy. Having a clear agreement can help you both feel safe enough to show up for the relationship more fully.”

Where there is marriage, sometimes there is divorce, and prenups are nothing to be scared of. Staving off future arguments should be seen as a proactive, caring measure, not a reason to call off your engagement. Taking the time to make sure you and your partner will be taken care of if a split happens is an act of love.

Words: Caroline Siebels-Lindquist