Sex. We all know what it is, yet there are aspects that many people are still completely missing. We receive exaggerated misconceptions of same-sex intercourse from porn, many straight women tend not to orgasmin their sexual encounters, and even though casual sex is on the rise, friends with benefits remains a confusing concept to many.
Millennials have and initiate sex differently from previous generations. Despite being branded the ‘hook up’ generation, millennials are actually having less sex than Gen X. We are open and accepting about our sex lives but have learned sex differently than our parents’ generation. One in three millennials haven’t had sex, and speculations say it’s because we are more focused on getting ahead in our careers than previous generations.
Many people don’t have a way to access advice or information regarding sex. This can be because of personal beliefs, religious or cultural limitations, or simply because they don’t have someone they’re comfortable sharing this information with. A recent studyshows that due to lack of sexual education amongst millennials, STD rates are on the rise. On top of the escalated STD rates, abstinence-only education has resulted in higher rates of teen pregnancy.
My name is Kim and I’m here to offer sex and relationship advice to young people looking for a safe and non-judgmental space to have a conversation. Anyone is welcome to write in personal stories and/or ask for advice, anonymously if chosen to be, on all topics and stories of sex. Virginity, hook-ups, horror stories, and more will be shared through this column. Occasionally, I will analyze the media’s representation of sex and romantic relationships and how it’s planted an unrealistic idea of sex in the minds of many. The truth is, sex isn’t always, well, sexy. Good sex requires a lot of trial and error. Many people won’t be so lucky to have an amazing ‘first time’—and that’s completely normal. Many people might want to wait for the right one, save themselves for marriage, or might not want to have sex at all—and that’s also completely normal. I hope by analyzing sex in the media, I can show viewers what healthy sexual encounters and romantic relationships really look like.
My Story
Wanting this column to be open, I’m going to share a personal story of mine and will continue to share personal stories over time.
It was 3 months into my first semester of college and I was newly single and ready to mingle . I only ever had a single one night stand back in the early months of my senior year of high school. Sex had never been a taboo or touchy topic for me. I like sex—a lot—and just because I was single didn’t mean I had to stop enjoying it. In fact, it felt like an opportunity to enjoy it more since it would be a “no-strings-attached” encounter. So, some close friends of mine and I decided to go out to a party and let loose after a long week of classes. I didn’t have the intention to go home with anyone, but if I did, I wasn’t complaining.
I’m leaning against a wall, talking with one of my friends in the back of the party, when my good friend (let’s call her S) comes up and informs me there’s a guy who thinks I’m cute. Let’s call him K. K and I talked once or twice before and had mutual friends, but we were nothing more than friendly.
Soon after S told me this little secret, K walked over and casually leaned on the wall next to me. I started the conversation by revealing what S had told me. K owned up to it and I admitted that I found him attractive too.
“If we both think of each other as attractive, do you want to go have sex?” I asked.
“Yeah, sure. I want to get another drink before we go. Your room or mine?” He asked.
“My roommate is home tonight, so yours?” I said.
“Yeah, no problem. Actually, forget the drink, let’s go now,” K said.
The thing about hook-ups, especially hook-ups in college, is you don’t know how they’re going to turn out. They can be fun, or they can be embarrassing and confusing. A roommate could walk in, you may not be able to climb into the lofted bed in a sexy way. I had no idea how this hook-up was going to go, I barely knew him.
While we were waiting in the elevator to take us up to his floor, we began passionately making out. Little did I know this was a sexy sneak peek into what would happen in his room. He put on The Office, locked the door and soon we were very naked. I thought it was going to be awkward, but that feeling was tossed away as quickly as our clothes were. He threw me down on the futon below his roommate’s bed, and I found comfort in his confidence. At least one of us knew how to do a one-night stand.
It was a fun and exciting, until we realized the condom broke. The fear that washed over our faces was indescribable. He wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to get pregnant, I wanted to make sure he didn’t have any STDS. After we discussed that my birth control method has a 99% success rate and that he hasn’t had sex with a lot of people, we put on our clothes and snaked out of the room. At that point it was roughly midnight, we decided the night was still young and that we were going to go back out. We agreed not to tell anyone, and with our matching neck hickeys, we parted ways.
I thought that was the end of it. I met up with my friends again for an hour before I decided I wanted to go home. I reached into my front pocket to make sure I had my keys, but they weren’t there. Queue the night’s events flashing before my eyes. When K took off my pants my keys must have fallen out on his floor.
I texted him frantically whilst running to his room to grab my keys. He messaged me back and assured me that he had them. When I got to his room, he greeted me at the door along with four of his friends.
“They all know, I’m sorry,” he said to me.
They all introduced themselves and I awkwardly did a walk of shame, across the room, to grab my keys while being greeted by four strangers. In the moment, I was absolutely mortified. I didn’t want it to be announced to the world what I had been up to. Despite being promiscuous, I still didn’t brag about my sex life. Thinking back, it was a hilarious story that has since come in handy . Thanks to that encounter, I have yet another story of my youth.
Moral of the story? Don’t forget your keys, or any personal items, in the room of your one-night-stand.
